Highlights: My christmas gift from my niece-in-law: a beautiful handmade blanket, a delicious raspberry trifle, Koya chillin' on Christmas, and my entree & coffee from the work brunch I attended! Also, a bunch of gift bags I assembled for everyone in my office ^_^
As usual, I'm starting off a diary entry with: Wow, it's been so long! I always mean to write more but time always gets away from me. I've been splitting my time between work, family obligations, hobbies, doctors appointments, and therapy. I've regained some sort of balance towards the end of the year, which is obvious by the amount of updates I was able to make to Valentinely recently. :)
I've had a pretty stressful autumn and winter. My work can get pretty intense I've learned, especially since I've taken over my role completely and report directly to the CFO. I've been here for a little over a year, wow! Despite the grumbling and complaining, I still feel pretty lucky and blessed to have such a good job. This year was a year of firsts for me, and I've found a lot of independence. In some old diary entries, I've lamented over the fact that I felt like the queen of learned helplessness, but I can proudly say with therapy, working on myself, and simply just doing things, I feel more strong and confident than ever. I think this job has helped me, as I have to lead weekly meetings and work on projects solo. It's been different than anything I've ever done, but it's also been a great learning and growing experience.
My hobby output this year started off strong, but with having to take care of family mid-year, I slowed down quite a lot. The only games I played and finished were Expedition 33 and Story of Seasons (well, I haven't quite finished that one yet.) I haven't even played the Lies of P DLC yet! T_T
I hope that for 2026, I can work on more self indulgent OC art and writing. The last part of this year was a lot of pixel art, because it was easy and I could sneak it in during my lunch breaks at work. I also drew a lot of Milky, because drawing her is simply comforting to me lol. But I plan on working on my OC-verses, even if it's just uploading old, embarrassing art.
One of my goals for 2026 is to learn to model low-poly 3D models. I also want to see if I can find a beginner's pottery class to attend. I think it would be fun! I want to focus on what is fun for me, most of all. I get caught up in worrying about how others will perceive me and the things I hold dear, but I need to learn to let it go and just do my own thing. After all, I cannot force everyone to like me. I can't force people to ignore me, either.
My philanthropy efforts this year were just OK. The time I had to spare allowed me to donate mostly - not a lot of hands-on things but I'm happy with what I was able to do. Besides my regular donations to local animal shelters, I was able to financially help a woman with her beloved doggy's cancer treatments. I cannot express how tearful and happy I was when she reached out and said her pup was cancer-free! As usual, I contributed to a local period pantry (I highly recommend you do the same if you can!!) and I'm currently working on a plan with my co-worker for International Women's Day. This year, the guys in the office got cupcakes for the ladies - which okay, it was cute BUT they can be more useful than that and actually make a sizeable donation to the local women's shelter instead lol. I don't like to come off too preachy but I think it's important to do more than just yell at people online LOL.
At work, we donated monetarily and also bought gifts for local families in need for Christmas. It was a bit heartbreaking to see things like bath towels and bed sheets on wishlists but on the other side of the coin, it was quite shocking to see 8 year olds requesting iPads and Beats headphones..... We also had a Big Brothers Big Sisters event, in which I was able to mentor for a few afternoons! It was fun, especially once I got over my shyness haha. It was really nice being around so many ambitious girls - Auntie Lapin is cheering you on!!! I hope in 2026 I can officially become a Big if I have the time! :)
In January, my friend group is FINALLY going to get our DND campaign running lol. Poor Rae has been waiting. Husband's niece and her husband also want to start a game with us, so if we can juggle it...be on the lookout for a new DND OC soon, heh.
Unfortunately, I am ending 2025 on a sad and unsure note...[REDACTED because it was a wee bit too personal.]
Anyways, I hope that 2025 was kind to you all and that 2026 will be kinder still. ♥ Happy New Year!
Some highlights: A gift package from my sister. I'm sending hers this weekend! Yummy crepes from a new crepe shop. I've been fighting demons trying to resist going back every weekend. I got my first handgun, a gift from my husband! It's a Glock 43X 9mm. I had to special order it in cow print, of course. Look at this wacky gas station entrance — you step through the van's door to get into the store. I thought it was really cute.
It's been almost three months since my last diary entry. I told myself I would write more, work on my website, do some drawing...but of course! Life smacked me right in the face. A lot of personal stuff has been going on. I want to write about it in depth, but I often find myself going back and forth with how open I want to be online. I've decided to cut most ties with the online communities I've been a part of in the past. I'm just up for a change. I've started therapy which has been a huge help! So far, besides the stressors and series of unfortunate events that I've had to deal with these past few months, things have been going well. I don't really miss Discord and the art spaces I used to hang out in.
I finished my first year at my new job. I guess now at this point I really can't call it "new", huh? ☺ I've done surprisingly well over the year, once I got over the initial hump of training and got into a daily groove. There is still stuff for me to learn of course, but I am nowhere near as anxious as I was a year ago. I also got a HEFTY raise! Super excited about that. I should be smart and not give into my consoomerist tendencies buuuuuuut you know how it is...
This past weekend, I went to a family reunion a few states away. The drive was long, the event felt even longer. I felt out of place (like I normally do lol!) but it wasn't too bad. I found it really cute, seeing everyone together dancing and having fun. There were like 60-ish people there? My extended family is pretty big but I tend to keep to my own bubble. I didn't recognize many faces, especially since I have not used Facebook in many years. I guess there's no way for me to keep in touch with everyone except in the old fashioned way, with phone calls and text messages. But if I'm honest, I don't really feel the need or want to.
This week there's a concert I'm going to, and then next weekend a ballet! I've got a work event to attend that week, too. Plus my mom's birthday! Then Halloween and all the events that come with it! And soon, I need to start planning for the holiday dinners we will be hosting, as well as planning outfits for holiday dinners/parties for my office, and my husband's too. It's getting to that season where I'm more busy than normal and I'm exhausted for 2-3 months straight but I really like being busy and social (caveat: with people I'm comfy with!)
I'm still trying to find the balance between work, family obligations, and my hobbies but I think I get closer to finding it every day. I'm really happy that I've been able to work on my site, write, and doodle a bit more lately. I hope I can keep it up even though I will be very busy soon.
Finally, finally. Over a month has passed and I’m ready to write a diary entry! I want to write more often, and take more care when it comes to my entries. I’ve mostly been jotting down in my microblog because honestly, I’ve just been lazy. I’m trying to stop being lazy when it comes to my hobbies, whether it’s drawing, blogging, or gardening.
So for the biggest and most obvious news first: I finally and officially moved on from Neocities after toying with the idea for months! I was inspired by a friend’s decision to move and self-host her website. There were a few other reasons such as: having an audience of mostly children, having to babysit my chatbox and guestbook, which isn’t a big deal by itself, but with my job and IRL obligations sapping most of my energy…I just wasn’t keen on doing it anymore. Having a website was just not fun after a while.
I would also get some really crazy emails (shoutout to the death threats I received for openly criticizing Horimiya LOL.) So with the move, my audience is practically down to zero (besides my friends that I've shared the link with!) which is fine with me because I never started a website for the followers anyways. I think I just happened to gain a following because my previous site was also pink and styled in an aesthetic that is popular with young/teenage girls. But it’s nice and peaceful now - it’s like when I first started sharing my art online, I mostly shared it with my small friend group over Discord or Deviantart (waaaay back in the day.) I’m the type of person to DFE when my accounts get too big anyways. RIP to my social media accounts with thousands of followers.
The other reason for moving was all the backend stuff that is blocked from you on Neocities. Will I truly ever really utilize 99% of it? Probably not, but it’s interesting to learn AND I don’t have to use a separate email service for my website hijinks. I like the ability to have a password on some pages I’d like hidden. I want to upload my more mature art and writing to my site to keep all of my stuff in one spot online as a backup! I also find Toyhouse annoying and feel like it’s hanging onto dear life by a thread so it’s best to have a main place to store my stuff. I could’ve marked my old Neocities as “adult,” but without the ability to “lock” the pages, I felt like it was still too open and available for minors to view. I’m also currently trying to see if there’s an easier way to maintain and update an art gallery with whatever else is available to me now. We will see!
At the end of the day, I started my previous website as a personal diary and archive for my art, characters, and pictures/blogs. It just happened to get popular which really made me sour over time. I never openly discussed or mentioned it but I did complain about it to some friends privately lol.
I’m happy that I was able to connect with some really cool ladies, artists, and writers from Neocities, though. I’ll still keep up with them and their sites because I don’t regret befriending them or getting acquainted with them. My site is still all kinds of broken though..It'll take me some time to get everything up and running! But I'm going to go at my own pace.
Whew, that intro ended up longer than I thought! Anyways, other happenings: My birthday was a few days ago. I received gifts earlier but I wanted to wait until after my birthday to write an entry about it. I feel very loved and special ♥
Firstly, the gift package I received from Arachne:
How sweet was she!? It was super curated and tailored to everything I love! The Milky drawing she made for me is so beautiful! I am so jealous of artists that can make beautiful art with traditional mediums. I went out and specifically bought a new frame for her:
I thought the FF7xMTG cards were a fun gift! Unfortunately, I did not get Tifa however I did get Zack, so I’m very happy with that! (I really love Zack and his dumb genki, noblehearted shonen-protag energy haha.) I also got Rydia, who I also really like, and Choco Mog!!!!
The books, the goodies, everything in general, were so thoughtful and kind. I feel really seen! I wanted to mention the snacks too, they were so different from what I’m used to eating but SO delicious! I’ve never had sweets with spice before but gosh, so yummy. The milk sweet was amazing and I ate it really quickly lolol.
ALSO! She was so sweet and included a gift for Koya.
Now for the other gifts I got:
This cute dalmatian print. She has AO3 on her cellphone. What a perfect thing to give me LOL. There were also some stickers and another small print. I need to find the link to the shop so I can put it here.
My sister fulfilled my request! She has a social media account for her coloring and coloring books. I asked her “please color me something for my birthday!” and she delivered. I have this printed and it’s on my wall at work. Isn't she talented?
I received other gifts from my family and my husband but I don't want this whole diary entry to be me just yapping about gifts so for the last one:
.jpg)
A gift to myself. I finally got the cherub tattoo that I've been thinking about for about 4 years now! I'm very happy with it. I named him Valentine. He's in a heart frame made of canterbury bells (this flower means gratitude, faith, and everlasting love.) I think I will finally work on finishing up my sleeve this year. The next tattoo will incorporate a cathedral window/stained glass and roses, my favorite motifs to put in my art.
Now, it's time to attempt more work on this site. I hoped to have everything finished by my birthday, but as usual, I set too ambitious of a goal. Oops (*/ω＼*)
May Highlights: My beautiful nephew. A random baby chick showed up in our backyard. Thankfully we were able to find her family and return her! A letter & drawing from Mima (my heart was so happy to receive these in the mail!) And some treats from one of the baby showers I went to.
Oops, I totally meant to write sooner but I always lose track of time...There are times when I'm super busy, and then times where I lay around like a potato, but either way I lose track of my days. I don't think I've been up to anything too crazy since the end of April, mostly working (as usual) though I've been more social IRL than normal. I've been going to events and get-togethers and it's honestly wiped me out! I've been to 3 baby showers in the past 3 weeks the price to pay for hanging out with "normies" :o) and while I have no interest in children or pregnancy, it was fulfilling to be a part of! I surprisingly had a lot of fun at the parties and picking out gifts for the babies-to-be. Makes me pretty excited to step into the official role of Aunt when my sister has a child one day! But to be honest, I would be perfectly okay with not attending another baby shower for at least a year loool.
Besides the baby showers, I've been going to graduation dinners, lunch dates, and hanging out with my parents. My coworker, W, who I've been pretty friendly with invited me to go to an upcoming Pride event with her and her wife. I guess the coffee break chitchats paid off! It does make me happy and makes me feel like a Real Human Being™ when I get invited out LOL. I've never been to anything Pride related before.
As far as work, things have been going pretty well. I thought I would have a much harder time without my old boss C here, but my coworker and I have been working together closely. Knowing that she was just as nervous as I was with C leaving gave me a little ease LOL. We can suffer and learn together. ♥ The CFO (who is my boss now I guess!) has made sure to stop by my office at least once a week to check on me. She's a really lovely middle-aged woman who shelters dogs, so I think I was destined to like her anyways haha.
Creative projects I have been working on lately: nothing really! I've been trying to draw daily. Also I've been working on some new sozai and website assets, and it's making me want to go back and refresh my first sozai set because I've improved quite a bit at pixel art! Though I think I would have an easier time in Aesprite, I'm not willing to move from Procreate yet. Anyways, once I get over my current obsession with pixel art I'm going to work on some OC stuff, hopefully.
I want to set monthly goals so I am actively working on myself instead of rotting.
SO, June's Goal: HOME COOKED MEALS! In May I fell back into the bad habit of ordering food for dinner most days of the week because I am lazy and/or tired. I don't even bother to entertain the thought of cooking when I'm home alone so I have been eating out a lot...
I want to try and cook meals at home at least 3 days a week. B can take the other 2/3 days, and then Saturday will be some kind of (healthy-ish) takeout. Sundays are reserved for family meal time at my parent's house.
I feel like I make the same goals all the time (gotta draw more! gotta cook more! gotta exercise more!) but I often struggle with being lazy. Someone free me from lazy girl jail OTL
Happy new year friends! I hope everyone's holiday season was full of light and love! My holiday season was so incredibly stressful and busy. I had every intention to sit down and blog or update my site with fun stuff throughout Oct to Dec but I've just been too busy! I wanted to draw more too. But of course, my job takes priority and I've just been working and studying like I'm back in school lol. When I'm not working or studying, I was sleeping or just lazing about on my couch.
Before I get into '25 resolutions, I wanted to share my favorite gifts I got for Christmas! I feel so incredibly blessed and lucky that I have such loving people in my life:
I cannot believe that Husband got me the Santa Lilio Sangre - Ayami Kojima artbook. Absolutely insane. I've been lusting after it since it's release in 2010 but I never wanted to spend the money on it. Every year the price would climb and climb...Anyways, each page is gorgeous! I'm so happy to have this artbook by one of my most favorite illustrators ever. I also got the Lies of P artbook and the Bloodborne artbook (not pictured.) The holy trinity of aesthetics I adore. I'm going to use them along with my Trinity Blood & Angel Sanctuary artbooks to study and practice my art! I loooove drawing my kawaii garbo but I also want to draw more serious or ~gothic~ art (honestly to do my Mea Culpa OCs justice because the way I see them in my head, I cannot put it down on paper >_<)< /p>
Also! Check out the custom platform Converse. Aren't they cute!? Husband said that they remind him of Milky. I think it's so sweet that he knows all of my ocs :3c
Anyways! NY Resolutions!?
I have some hope that I can do more self indulgent things in 2025, whether it's art, website tinkering, or traveling. My volunteer work really fell to the wayside the last quarter of the year, too. I hope to pick it back up again by springtime. The Women's Fair is coming up in a few months so I want to be able to make stickers and keychains for it like I did a couple years ago. I would also like to start fostering senior dogs this year too. (Koya could use the company!) There's also work and donating I'd love to do for a local child advocacy center!! So many plans, so little time and energy, but something is better than nothing. I mentioned in an old blog post that I absolutely cannot stand slacktivists, and throwing a 88x31 button on your site or digitally screaming at others does literally nothing, so I always try to do something, even if it's just donating.
My resolutions:
- As stated above, more local philanthropy!!
- Level up my art! Also do some traditional pieces.
- Curb my spending. The last couple months of 2024 was bad. I was doing a LOT of online stress shopping via apps..Of course, I'm still going to thrift ^_^
- SAVE MONEY!!!! I want my savings account to be nice and fat. This will probably be the hardest resolution for me to reach, not gonna lie.
- Site plans: Finally finish my Yuna shrine lol, a little BL section of ships I love(d) for my pure indulgence. More adopts! Finally finish /artemisian. So so so much I want to do.
- Read more. I did not read enough literature, manga, or really any kind of writing beyond fanfiction...I'm not really embarassed by it like some people are, but I think it would be nice to join the unofficial book club at my work and chat books with people.
- Cook more! Bake bread! Try to grow herbs again!
Things I'm leaving behind in 2024:
- I had already started this process during 2024, but I'm going to finish curating the few online spaces I haunt. I started last year by pruning my following list on neocities. I deleted my account on sheezyart, and deactivated in a few other places. I'm still trying to finish moving my OCs and stuff from toyhouse but the process will probably take the entire year because I'm crazy and want each character/world to have a unique layout.
- Being too hard on myself. I'm doing just fine. Cheesy saying but I gotta stop measuring myself by someone else's ruler. LOL
- Soda. My crack. My dark temptress...I drink entirely too much coke zero and not enough water so I gotta stop. 😭 (While I'm writing this I'm sipping on one...)
Anyways none of my goals are anything crazy, in fact I know I make the same ones every year lol but at least I'm consistent? I want to blog more in 2025 but I think I will have to overhaul my diary layout, as the current layout kind of keeps me from doing so regularly (I'm lazy sue me!) I think I will cook up something more simple soon!