Lapin's Microblog
tbh i'm a little salty that my husband's niece wants to host christmas dinner this year.......i already bought fancy plates and chafing dishes for the food because i aim for our parties to be get better every year n_n such an old lady thing to complain about LOL but i was already planning the menu ๐
in the mines toiling away at this pixel for a layout. i'm still undecided if i want my pixel subdomain to be a part of valentinely or cainhurst.
i really like how it's looking so far but tbh i'm dreading shading it. i still haven't even shaded the pixel frame on my landing page. shading pixel art hurts my brain. pixel lineart is really fun though...
also, i guess i could have put this in my art log...maybe i should combine the two. i have too many logs.
whoops nothing like microwaving ethnic food in the break room and having it smell like hot fish sauce...everyone will know it was me because i'm the only asian person here ๐ฅฒ
kms i've finally buckled down and started resizing and reuploading images. this is going to take forever...i still have pages i want to redo. i guess for my reference later i will list out my plans here:
RIP to my white knight philodendron :( he got infested with some kind of weird gnat and i couldn't get rid of them no matter what. i will try again next spring.
anyways, i've updated my microblog layout! i need to think about eventually adding pagination. i want to add all sorts of things to my site to make it easier for me to post and code....to be honest, i'm having a tough time with learning php LOL. my favorite websites' webmistresses seem to have managed wrangling php just fine, so i do have some hope that i will eventually get there but i don't have the time to buckle down and really teach myself. siiiiigh.
Tickets for the Akira Yamaoka show secured!!!! Whooo!!!!
What a lovely day! Work today was basically a "free" off day - there was a work event "off campus." I showed my face for about an hour and then I had the rest of the afternoon free! My sister texted me about the NANA 25th Anniversary Vivienne Westwood edition so I went out to the book store and bought us a copy each. I was looking for these earlier online but everywhere was sold out. Go figure I could've found them locally (shout-out to my hachi for looking it up hehe)
I also scored tickets to The Phantom of the Opera!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I never ever sign up for SMS alerts but this has been something I've been wanting to see live for years. I'm so glad I wasn't busy with work. I was able to buy the best tickets...with all the addons. Several hundred dollars later...I'm all set! I cannot wait. Ahhhh!
thank goodness FY25 is OVER!!!!! it was my first september in my new job and things were crazy. i've been so busy lately in general. i'm glad things are starting to settle down. i've had a near 3 month absence from the internet (discord, toyhouse, my site, etc!) a family member had a stroke and i was busy helping him recover. inbetween work, hospital visits, speech therapy appointments, and running errands for my household and his, i have not had a break!!!
i'm utterly exhausted. the past couple of months, i have been having some health issues myself, im also adjusting to some new medication, plus more... i told myself that i wouldn't post very many personal things out in the open anymore, but i just wanted to share where i've been. i will save the indepth stuff for my private diary once i get it up.
now that i am "back," i plan on fiddling with PHP and remaking some layouts. i moved over some pages from my old site, but i have yet to deal with /myroom...kind of dreading it, to be honest. it's quite the undertaking as i want to reorganize everything!
anyways, i will likely continue to keep my distance online. i don't have plans to reinstall discord. i'm feeling a lot more at ease by myself, unsurprisingly. i just hope that no one takes it to heart.
i need to take my time and do things one task at a time, but it really is overwhelming. i'm trying to focus on one page/section at a time but i'm easily distracted lol! i hope that i can remake all the layouts that were used on my old site (besides most of my OC layouts, i'm still really fond of those.)
i'm learning about PHP and other backend stuff. when i was on teacake, i ignored 99% of the features that aren't available on neocities. it's a little intense and confusing but i hope i learn a lot that will make webdev easier, more fun, and more interesting.
on another note, my birthday is in a few days! i didn't take time off work (though now that i think about it, i kind of regret not even taking 1 day off...) so far i've gotten some wonderful gifts! i can't wait to write about everything in a proper diary entry later.
i finally got a white knight philodendron after wanting one for years. i hope i dont kill it orz. he's so beautiful. if he dies i might just kill myself, who knows.
in other news, pompompurin & pochacco placed in the sanrio poll! so happy. i voted for them in my sister's honor.
me: it would suck so bad if i dropped all this coffee all over the floor
me: *proceeds to drop entire pot of coffee on the floor*
-_-
my mom brought me back a labubu from her trip to asia (my sister requested one and my mom has always been the kind of mom to "buy one each for my girls!") so now i have this little guy. i didn't really like labubus when they first gained popularity but this one has grown on me...i think it's the color scheme. it's cute!
got my markers set up and tidy so i can start using them!
thinking about stepping away from yumering because i simply don't have it in me to keep up with it anymore. should i hand it off? let it die? hmmm...
if i find one more split end, im going to shave my head.....!
i've tried every single freaking product and i still end up with split ends. crying. ive been trying to grow my hair as long as possible and i've been stuck at the same length for a couple of years because of these stupid split ends. i will never leave right-above-tail-bone length jail. ;_;
LMFAAAAAOOOO just when i thought to myself "hey, i might finally be hitting my stride" my boss announces that she's quitting ๐ i'm genuinely sad because i like her, but also because i still haven't *fully* completed my training. so like. who am i going to run to when i have questions!? i could always ask my peer, but it makes me feel shy, awkward, and honestly...straight up stupid since i dont have rapport built with her. i've been feeling an immense amount of anxiety since yesterday. especially now that i have to pick up a few weekly reports that my boss was responsible for. i have NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING!!!!!!!! LOL
I actually need to send off one of those reports today...I'm writing here to stall....ugh. I guess I better go and try my best x___x
oh my gosh this has been the week from hell!!! i had to cover for my coworker because she is on vacation, so her workload + mine was crazy. ive been dead after work everyday but im proud that i still cooked healthy meals every night instead of getting takeout LOL. doesn't seem like a big deal, especially considering working mothers do all of that plus more...but im the queen of laziness. anyways, today is friday so i am DEFINITELY treating myself to taco bell tonight ( โขฬ ฯ โขฬ )
i think tomorrow i will try to work on a /diary entry or a /room post and draw! i've been so busy lately i haven't done much but scroll on my phone (bad!) or play ender lilies. i want to get back to daily drawing and other "productive" hobbies. it's also been a bit since i've been able to go thrifting or to an antique mall....i've been trying to get through "When Life Gives You Tangerines" (recommended by my mom!) but it's taking me forever because i have to keep taking breaks. it's really overwhelming for me and makes me cry all the time LOL because it reminds me so much of my mom. (she literally only lives 15 minutes away but i always miss her LOL)
i hate april fool's day. anyways, im busy moping about my art rn. i feel really unskilled and undisciplined. i don't like my style or the way i color or really anything about my stuff n_n my gallery looks ~unaesthetic~ but i guess i'm judging it by a curated, social media standard. when i look at other people's galleries, i get a sense of who they are/what they like. when i look at mine..it looks stupid. idk.
i wonder what my art says about me...but maybe this is just silly and egoistic to think so hard about it. idk. maybe restructuring my art gallery here will make me feel better bc TH is just a hodgepodge of eveything
my favorite part of getting a new phone is decorating it hehe
forever chasing the feeling of being ten years old and watching yuna perform the sending in kilika for the first time
>leave my govt job
>trump gets elected
>DOGE happens to govt workers
>whew! so glad i left and went to the private sector
>tariffs and trade wars
>anticipatory layoffs start happening at my current job
pls god if you are real, let someone merc all of them RIGHT NOW
every time i think about how my dad stole my "i have the mental capacity of a toaster" raccoon t-shirt, i laugh. i still don't know how he fits it...granted, i did order it extra large because i enjoy dressing like adam sandler when im at home but still. idk it's so funny to me. i love my dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there is a guestbook comment i received a while ago that i think about often. it's one of my most favorite things someone has told me for some reason. something about it being an admirable thing that i am able to create art and characters while having a regular FT job lol. i've been enjoying my art and OC hobby for like 15+ years. i don't think i'll ever grow out of it. creating stuff solely for myself will always be one of the biggest joys in my life - no matter how "cringey" or lame or weird it seems. i'm a grown woman that still essentially plays with (anime) barbies of my own making! it's so cool. i'll never give up on my art no matter how old, tired, or "grown up" i get.
it is my sincerest wish for all you girls out there reading and looking at my site, that you continue creating and having fun, no matter what! whether it's drawing, writing, webdev, music. just keep creating! no matter how old or tired or mature you get - always try and make the time for your creative endeavors.
consoomerist haul coming soon in a post. just waiting on the perfume to arrive! then im going to clean out my vanity (i have mac lipsticks that are seriously like 8 years old that i do not use) and take pics so i can look back at my collection later.
in other news, i have drawn every day for 31 days straight. i feel accomplished but also like i want to jump off a bridge LOL. i've not seen any improvement to my art yet (well that's a lie, i think my latest diesel and xinyi art has shown that i can actually draw bishonen if i try really very hard and use a reference for once)
i kind of want to quit but i also want to make it another 30 days. after all, i am driven by spite!!!
seeing someone as stoic as my dad cry so over his beloved doggy has been making me cry all day lol T_T
i know i don't check my email often but i gotta say i LOVE when i get random emails from other women that have discovered my site. to miss nono, thank you for making my day!!!!!! (i also finally replied to you.....hopefully it wasn't a throwaway email address lul) look at this cute milky doodle she drew for me:
i love her!
go figure....the thing to break me out of my art block is drawing a cutie. i love drawing girls so much...i think this is gonna turn out sooo good but i can't share it until the due date ;v;
i've always known that i am not a flexible person. i don't "go with the flow" like ever. i'm one of those itinerary-needed-even-on-vacation types of people. one of the things that drives me nuts about my new work place is the lack of (strict) rules and regulations - people don't even follow the dresscode. im going crazy because there are guidelines for my job that have to be followed - well, except in this case. and that case. oh! but we need to follow them in THIS case. .......apparently i need structure and rules to thrive because as i get more comfy in my job and able to work on my own..the more unsettled i feel..
/(ใoใ)/~~
gnawing at the bars of my enclosure....i miss tinkering on my website, i miss drawing, i miss writing, i miss my hobbies and i miss chatting with my friends on discord!!!! but i've been so tired since ive started this job nearly a month ago!!! im feeling pent up and a lil crazy since i havent been able to dabble in my hobbies u_u
on another note, someone told me that my office (pictured above) looks like a Claire's but i took it as a compliment lol. i need to be surrounded by cute things so i don't go insane in a windowless office...
i want to draw so bad, i want to draw so so soooo bad but i am always tired lately. im starting to understand my job a bit more, so im feeling better and that dark heavy cloud hanging over my head is slowly dissipating. i still have lots left to learn but at least now i don't feel 100% lost (just 80% lol) making the move over into finance was a pretty crazy move on my part as the queen of complacency and comfort but i think it'll be worth it. the money alone is tbh...
im so overwhelmed, theres so much to learn in my new job...im feeling regret over leaving my easy-peasy job but i know i'll get over it in a few weeks when i feel more knowledgeable and comfortable. im just not familiar with these programs, vernacular, or what all my job entails at this point (โ เนโ โขโ ๏นโ โขโ ) my boss showed me some things but i immediately forgot everything by lunch time. its my first day of actual training (earlier this week was just orientation and paperwork) so i know its normal to feel so anxious but i hate it. im gonna call my mom later and just chat with her so i can calm down... sometimes a girl just needs her mom.
how much aura will i lose if i cry on my last day tomorrow? even though this place has given me some absolutely miserable times, i'm gonna miss this place. it became my second home. i'm gonna miss the cool ladies i've gotten to know :( i'm scared of having to learn a new job and make new connections but i can do it. i just know it!
i finally watched the deadpool & wolverine movie. it was pretty good but my biggest complaint is channing tatum as gambit. gambit was my husbando when i was like 8-12 years old LMAO he's so ugly (sorry...) my inner child was crying. i'm going to draw fanart and animefy him just bc i can.
i have 5 working days left at my current job so i'm cleaning out my work desk today. i found a lot of old pencil drawings i did over the years when i would have some down time at work. i feel like going digital made me improve but also regress in different ways. lame.......... (i'm going to buy a sketchbook this weekend.)
waiting by the window for my dolls to come home...i finally pulled the trigger and bought the suigintou pullip i've been eyeing for years. ticchan was an impulse buy but i'm very excited to have her home at the end of the year! i am also searching for the perfect bjd to make into my beloved Charlotte. i know i plaster Milky everywhere and she's kind of my mascot, but charlotte really is my #1 fave oc and she deserves a doll!!!!
i'm actually reading ghoulcy fanfic I HATE MYSELF!!!! i'm going to blame it on being so bored with the current fandoms i'm in. ff fandoms always suck.
jjk just ended and well. yeah... no comment on the ending, i knew going in that the series was just an okay-ish shonen romp but geez...
quickly re-did my microblog because i need a place to jot down quick thoughts and i refuse to use xitter for more than fandom garbo.
i love creating dark and vengeful women because i want my own revenge too